10 april 2025 11:17pm
my first meal of the day was 3 pieces of dark chocolate with raspberry bits that i stole from a cvs on
new scotland along with some toothpaste and mouthwash probably, and some tortilla chips that have been
around since my boyfriend's birthday in february. i finally caught up with better call saul, washed a
ton
of dishes, and had a wonderful pasta night. so sure, now there are dishes to be done again, my screen
time today was diabolical, and im starting to feell differently about a lot of things now, but again,
what a relief to have a normal day at all
it's been a couple weeks since my last panic episode, and my depression seems to be a bit more under
control. im getting better at forgiving myself and trying again i think. i still want to work on not
living in my past and future so much, though they really get to me sometimes, and overall trying to
think of others when i can because sometimes my own survival is all i can think of some days. but again,
while my struggles may be real, so is my reality. and i am safe, i am loved, and i get to try again
tomorrow.
11 april 2025, 4:25am
i am so very tired. i feel this may become a recurring theme in these. i never did finish the previous
entry entirely, i went to go play minecraft with my boyfriend instead.
last night i dreamt i was doordashing and i was in this big spacious building so spacious that it almost
lacked structure. there were fire escapes in the interior of this building and long sprawling floors,
ceilings high and low. families lived in this building and in the elevator i spoke to this nice mexican
woman with children and when she got off on her floor i told this other girl on the elevator how seeing
her made me miss home. i don't know what to do with that feeling.
i tell myself often that i can make home anywhere. i wonder now if what i really mean is that
now i matter where i go i just move my search. it rains outside, i like the sounds. 4:36
9 april 2025 1:01am
so very restless and i am so ti·red. it is so cold here. this page will be home to my
little blog from now on, i hope you will keep up with my occasional updates when they come! and so on
and so forth.
yesterday was an unusually cold day in april, it snowed a bit here in albany. i saw a movie with a
friend who i haven't gone out with ever, and i saw someone i wasn't friends with anymore on the bus ride
down to madison which i grow ever more familiar with. my life is so different nowadays i don't often
know how to deal with it. what a cold cold winter. —